badlybent.ca

I heard something that kind of upset me the other day on the Canadian Podcast Buffet:  Bob Goyetche was interviewing Andrea Ross, co-host of Just One More Book, about one of the main reasons that she and Mark Blevis pulled the plug on their podcast.

You can hear the complete interview here, and I strongly recommend that you do, especially if you’re a media creator or consumer.   Their show was a project of passion, and she put in an amazing amount of effort.  Both of them put in the blood, sweat, tears and toil (and cash!) because they loved what they were doing, as many creators do.

At the end of the day, all she asked was that she get some sort of return on her investment of passion and time.

Not necessarily money, she said, even recognition would have been nice.  However, it sounds like the Big Marketing Machine in the Sky basically started abusing their show as just another Cog in the process of selling.

It especially hit home after the interview when Mark Blevis point outed that most of the podcasts that he and Bob Goyetche are involved with are there mainly to edify other people:

Canadian Podcast Buffet - Shining a light on the Canadian podcast community, and helping to grow it.

Just One More Book - Pointing out great authors of childrens literature.

Mostly Tunes - Playing indie artists you might otherwise not get to hear.

Electric Sky - Interviews with fascinating people.

Normal media that we consume has a price - we pay a cable bill to get television, we pay ticket prices for movies, we buy music either in CD or online formats (yes, I know, all of the above can be downloaded for free if you really want to) however podcasts, with the exception of a rare few, are ‘free’.  Of the free ones a lot are geared strictly towards generating income for the producer(s) either directly or indirectly, but a remaining huge percentage are works of care, love, and passion for a subject.  For producing these, their creators get…..squat.  They spend their own time, money and resources creating something they love, for others to consume for free.  To me, this is one of the most magical things in the universe: that you can download someones creativity and effort for free, listen to it, enjoy the heck out of it, and delete it when you’re done, without having to give anything in return.

Having said all that,  the first thing that hit me while I was listening to the interview with Andrea was guilt.  I consume podcasts like Tom Cruise consumes crazy, and really when you get right down to it, I don’t give much back.

I’ll let you in on a little non-secret:  media creators (blogs, podcasters) love comments.  We drink them up like those sparkly doofuses (doofi?) from the Twilight movies drink blood - they energize us, make us feel good, and really give us the urge to create more.  And those are just the negative ones.  The positive ones can make us feel, I dunno, orgasmic really really good.

Bob said that “comments and emails and things are the currency that feeds podcasting” and, mixed metaphors aside, truer words were never spoken.

All of that made me feel horrible because I am just as guilty as anybody of listening to dozens of episodes of someones show, and have in quite a few cases never bothered to even drop them a note saying simply “hey, love the show, keep up the great work”.

The fascinating thing is that there have even been cases where some people tried to put projects together where the sole intention  was to have people start interacting more with the podcasts they enjoy.  Sean McGaughey started a project he called “K7 days” where he encouraged people to call in to the message services or even email the shows they love on days of the month that end in 7 (the 7th, 17th, 27th).  That’s only three communications a month.  I mean, how much time would it take to send 3-4 emails or make a couple phone calls in a month?  Probably not that much.  Here’s an idea: while you’re downloading a show, send a comment to the creator about the last one you listened to.  Or, if you’re listening at your computer, send an email before you delete the show.  If you listen to a show regularly, especially if you simply download it from iTunes, do yourself a favour: visit their blog.  Not only do they often have content there that’s not on the show, but it’s also a perfect opportunity to leave a comment or send a quick email.   Bear in mind, it wasn’t so long ago that people used to SIT DOWN, WRITE (BY HAND!) and MAIL letters to television and radio shows they liked.  Sending a comment or an email isn’t that hard, honestly.  I know that I sure as heck need to start doing it more.

We all need to start giving feedback to the creators of the media you enjoy, or they’re all going to stop producing it eventually, and we’ll be left with cable TV and Commercial Radio.  That thought gives me the shudders.

I think that one of the reasons all this really hit home with me is because I’m getting ready to launch not one, but two podcasts in the new year, both of them focused on showcasing singer-songwriters.  It got me thinking about how much effort is going to be required from myself and others to pull these off, and other then the fact that I’m so passionate about good original music that I have actually lost sleep over it, and I tend to jump at anything involving great original songs, why the hell am I going to go through all this effort?  Because I love it, that’s why.  I’m not expecting to make money, but it would be nice for me and the producers to get some encouragement along the way, so it doesn’t feel like it’s all for nothing.

But it makes me wonder - if an amazing, well-produced show with a huge audience like Just One More Book can’t generate enough feedback to keep Andrea and Mark going, what chance do shows like mine stand ?

After the interview with Andrea Mark said “I wonder how that story is going to effect the community, and make people think.”

I think I’m guilty as charged, but I’m ready to start my rehabilitation.  Now, where did I put those email addresses….

Stevie Z

I had one of those “aha” moments the other day.  No, not that A-Ha, the Swedish band from the 80’s.   Although come to think of it I was singing Take on Me last week too.  Wow, 1 sentence in and I’m already off-topic….that’s a new record, even for me.

As I was saying, a deep, profound thought occurred to me as I was being cut off in traffic be some asshat in a Mercedes who was obviously more important then I am.  Actually, two thoughts occurred to me, but I won’t print the first one, instead I’ll enlighten you on the second.  That thought was this: we could solve almost every single problem in the world if we all acted like everyone else on this planet was as important to us as we are to ourselves.

Or, as Bill and Ted said “Be excellent to each other.”

Makes sense, don’t it?  I mean, think about it, there probably isn’t a problem we couldn’t solve if we started putting others before ourselves.  Let’s take a look at a few examples:

•     World Peace - That’s kind of a duh.  We sure wouldn’t want to invade other countries and shoot people if we valued their lives more then our own.  And religious persecution and wars would halt immediately because we’d all just realize that you can have your God, I can have my God, and hey, what do you know, pretty much every God says we should all just get along and treat our fellow humans with respect.  Go figure.  People wouldn’t be persecuted for being gay, for being a different colour, etc.  We’d all just look at each other and say “cool, you like to do that, I like to do this.” This of course does not include fans of the “Twilight” vampire movie.  They will always continue to suck

•     Greed - One of the main reasons that the “hands of the have-nots keep on falling out of reach” to quote Gordon Lightfoot, is that you’re trying to get yours, and I’m trying to get mine.  There aren’t many people on earth who couldn’t give up something to help someone less fortunate.  And if we all cared more about other people, it would be a lot easier to put the systems in place so that what was needed got to where it was needed without involving massive corporations, charities, etc.  And corporations would stop making ‘getting your money’ their number 1 priority.

•    World Hunger - See above.  As I mentioned, if we all just gave a certain percentage where it was really needed, people could be fed.  And since a lot of hunger is caused by things like abject poverty, wars, and greed, then yeah, it could be fixed as well.

•    Disease - This one is both tricky and easy.  If I were a better writer I would sure as hell come up with a better way to say that, but here’s what I’m saying:  Do you know what kills more children in the world every year then anything?  Diarrhea.   Yup, good ole-fashioned diarrhea.  Children drink water that isn’t clean, it gives them diarrhea, and they get it so bad, and for so long, that they die of dehydration and malnutrition.   And it isn’t even that we have to purify the entire world’s water either, although that’d be a good idea too.  There are re-hydrating tablets available that can both help stop the diarrhea AND rehydrate the cells of the person.  They’re literally pennies a tablet.  PJ O’Rourke once looked into this very issue, and concluded that nobody gave a shit (pun intended) because it’s not a ‘glamorous’ cause, like AIDS or breast cancer.   He figured that to raise public awareness we should all wear brown ribbons and go with the slogan “Diarrhea, it can be contained”.  You should read him, he’s brilliant.  Oh, and while we’re on the subject - hey breast cancer marketing people, wanna lay off for a bit? Thanks.  There are a lot of other types of cancer that are out there too, all of em horrible and terrible, but all we hear about is breast cancer.  I should hire those P.R. people to work for me.  Which reminds me - you all know what a huge fan of irony I am, well, apparently there’s a company out there, I’m thinking it’s TFal for some reason, but I could be wrong, that’s selling Pink Frying Pans, with the proceeds going to breast cancer research.  Funny thing is, they’re Teflon coated pans……and Teflon is being researched as a possible cause of….drum roll please….CANCER.  Insert heavy sigh here…..

• The Environment/Climate Change - Look, we can all debate whether or not we humans are destroying Earth until, well, until the Planet dies, but let’s look at a couple of important things.  Firstly, if you look at most of the studies that are saying that humans are not responsible for climate change, you’ll find that they’re funded by interests that pollute.  They have a vested interest.  I don’t trust vested interests.  Hell, I don’t even trust people in vests.  Or ascots, the most unfortunately named piece of attire ever.  Say this out loud “hey, look everyone, I have my ascot around my neck!”  See?  In the interest of complete disclosure I’ll give you my view.  I think that part of what’s going on is a natural cycle.  Since we humans only live for about 80-90 years or so, if we’re lucky,  we tend to forget that the universe and nature can work in cycles of, say a million years.  It’s hard for us to comprehend because we as people think that we’re the centre of the universe, and that things started, and will stop with us.  Having said that, however, I also think that whatever natural cycles are taking place, human beings are also trying their damnedest to destroy the planet too.  How can even the most anti-climate change person in the world argue that cutting down areas of Rain Forest the size of Simon Cowell’s ego can be good for the planet?  Besides making Iceberg Vodka, what good are the polar ice caps melting?  Please tell me the advantage of forcing species after species of animals into extinction.  Cancer, asthma, etc.  rates are through the roof, and you can’t site there and tell me that at least some of that has to do with what we breathe and eat?  If you can seriously tell me that you honestly believe all that, then…well…..I don’t even know what to say to you.   “But Steve, what the hell does this have to do with putting others first?”  Well, it also relates to greed as well - people just have to have more money, and more stuff.  To do that, corporations just have to post as huge a profit as possible, almost to the complete exclusion of consequences, as long as they don’t break the law.  “Hey, this new manufacturing process that we have uses asbestos, UFA, arsenic, and Thalidomide, but it’ll raise our dividend an extra 4 cents per share” Most people don’t need a big huge SUV, but dammit I can afford it, so screw the rest of you.

• Stress - Most stress is caused by other people.  Traffic stress, job stress, etc.  People put stress on us because they are stressed out.  Assclown in the Mercedes that cut me off is under stress because he obviously has to get where he’s going in a hurry, so instead of driving with consideration, he drives like a maniac, not caring whom he cuts off.  Deadlines are caused by someone not having enough consideration for people to make sure that there is enough time to get things done properly, and without freaking out.

Okay, there you go - in one fell swoop I’ve solved everything.  All before lunch.  I’m kidding, obviously,  knowing is sometimes less then half the battle.  But if we don’t as a species, start thinking more about our fellow person, then we’re hooped.  Oh, just so anyone doesn’t sit there thinking “Gee, I wish we could all be perfect like Mr. Stevie Z here” then you’re way off.  I’m part of the problem.  The difference between me and some people, I think though, is that I recognize that I’m part of the problem, and am trying to fix it.   I said trying.  It’s not easy.  The fact that we live in a society that almost forces people to put themselves first doesn’t help.

So, what do we do?  Well, try this: every day, do one or two things that put other people first.  Even small things.  Let that guy in front of you who’s trying to turn out of that parking lot onto a busy street.  Give something to a food bank, or better yet, give some time to a food bank.  It’s really really easy, honest.  If everyone did that, there’d be 10 billion really, really nice things happening every day.  Wow, that’d be cool.

Stevie Z

By Stevie Z

I was hurtling down the 401 Highway this afternoon listening to my MP3 player.  Janis Joplin came on doing one of her best tunes: Mercedes Benz

It occurred to me that she wouldn’t have had a chance in hell to make it in the world today, in mainstream music.  Not even close.  She wasn’t blonde, she didn’t really dance, and didn’t have large breasts.  If someone like her (and I mean someone like her, not one of the cheap imitations running rampant today) showed up at an American Idol audition, she’d be driven off the set by Simon Cowell and his band of mule holes in seconds.

First, they’d mock her appearance.

Then, as soon as she spoke and they heard her voice, they make assinine comments about that too.

Finally, as soon as she started to belt out a tune (take the aforementioned Mercedes Benz for example) and poured her heart, soul and guts into it, she would have been met with derision.   None of what they do is about music or artistry, it’s all about making money, which is why it’s evil and needs to be kicked in the lovelies.

I’m using Ms. Joplin as an example, but seriously…..how many of the artists that we consider ground breaking and truly distinctive could even get a foot in the door in today’s “American/Canadian/Insert Country Here Idol” climate?  Bob Dylan? Bruce Spingsteen?  Willie Nelson?  John Hiatt?

The music ‘industry’ is dying day by day, and they can’t figure out why.  One of the myriad problems is that they’re not looking for the next talent to come along and change music, they’re looking for the next in a line of things we already have.  They’re looking for the next Britney Spears, or the next BackStreet Boys, or the next Justin Timberlake, or Pussycat Dolls.

And here’s the problem with that, jerkasses:

The demographic of the people that you’re trying to peddle this crap to is the same demographic that has no problem downloading music for free.   Par example - I buy every John Hiatt, Mark Knopfler, Bruce Springsteen, Fred Eaglesmith album that comes out.  Buy.  The CD.  I want a copy to put on my shelf.  Heck, I’d buy the albums and hang em on my wall if that were an option.  Let’s say by some miracle or fluke that Britney Spears ever did release a song that I enjoyed.  Would I buy it?  Most likely I’d just download it.  Or, I’d buy that one song on iTunes.  Of course, it’s a moo point because if Spears ever actually did perform something that I liked to listen too, I’d check the rearveiew mirror for locusts and horsemen because it would surely be one of the signs of the End Times, and pestilence sure probably wouldn’t be far behind.   I think that I maybe have purchased more CD’s in the last 6 months, come to think of it, then I have in the last couple of years.  Of course, several of those were from ‘indie’ artists who didn’t even have stuff in wide distribution.  Maybe that says everything about the music industry and where they still insist in heading.  Maybe it only says more about me.

All I know is, if Janis Joplin played in Kitchener this weekend, I’d buy her CD at the venue.   And get her to sign it.  And ask for a little kiss.   Come to think of it, I’d buy two copies of her Cd.  One for me, and one to show Mr. Cowell what an artist is.  He obviously has no idea.  And I’d probably ask for another kiss.  From Janis, not Simon…..

Stevie Z

Oh wait, should that read that PETA IS a Nut Shell? 

By Stevie Z

    Here’s the Dilemma:  the world needs groups like PETA (which stands for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals……not People Eating Tasty Animals, as some suggest) to help look after the welfare of critters.  In fact, nothing in this world pisses me off more then someone or something that is being mistreated, especially when that someone or something can’t defend itself or speak out - this includes animals and children, and in some instances women.  Don’t send letters - I’m referring to people that are abusive - to women, children, animals, etc.

   I think the basic concept of PETA is a good thing, and that they should be looking out for the welfare of animals, and decrying things like fur coats (hey, I come from a northern town that was founded on the fur trade, and know what trapping animals is like) and abuse of animals in general, but come on, they go way beyond ‘hard sell’ into ’stupidly pointless and ridiculous sell’.    That little stunt they pulled comparing the gruesome murder of a man on a GreyHound Bus to the slaughter of animals, went way too far and they obviously didn’t really take into consideration the friends and relatives of the victim, did they?  Using a person’s pain and suffering to further your own cause is bullshit, and they should be punished for that kind of crap.

   They have a forum on their site, and I’m not making this up, it’s called the “Peta Files”.  Say that out loud.  I don’t know if they’re trying to be clever or cute or just insulting again, but I find the name deplorable.

   Their outlandish over-the-top bullshit hurts them in the long run, because instead of having their name associated with a noble cause that people would want to support, they’re known by and large as a bunch of nut jobs that most people don’t want anything to do with. 

   Here’s a perfect example of how they hurt themselves:  my wife works for a company that, among other things, does architectural design work for slaughterhouses.  I have about as good an idea of what goes on in those places as a person can without actually being on the kill floor and seeing, hearing (and smelling!) things for themselves.  Over the past couple of years my wife and I have been doing a fair bit of research and are looking at cutting meat out of our diet.  Technically speaking, PETA should be a great place to start looking at ideas, recipes, support, etc.  They even have a ‘Vegetarian Starter Kit’ that you can order and they’ll send it to you for free.  But here’s the thing - I wouldn’t give them my home address in a million years.   I’d honestly be worried that they would start sending, I don’t know, pails of blood to me in the mail to drive home the point that animals are being killed.  Think I’m being silly?  I’ve seen the kit - a co-worker ordered it.  Sure, it’s got recipes and substitutions and such, but it’s also got a lot of photos of maimed and disfigured animals, along with great stories of abuse.  Hey asshats - I know about all this already, you can DIAL IT BACK A BIT!   Their websites are the same thing - you can’t just get helpful, friendly tips and advice without the bullshit propaganda.

   I can totally visualize walking into their offices and saying “Hey guys, I know that eating meat is all bad and stuff, and we treat animals badly, and I’ve already read about all that, so I want to forego eating meat forever and only eat lettuce” and they react by screaming at you “ANIMALS ARE BEING CRUELLY MURDERED, AHHHHH!” and then slapping you in the face with a pig fetus or something.

   Seriously guys, relax.  And oh yeah, having someone like Pamela Anderson as one of your biggest spokespeople isn’t (in my humble but accurate opinion) the best idea ever.   Actually, come to think of it, maybe it IS a stroke of genius, after all, she appears to have about the same intelligence as the cows and chickens she’s trying to save.

Of course, I’m just sayin’

Stevie Z

   Okay, I DO have to admit that some of their ads are pretty awesome though

By Stevie Z

 *sigh*   Yannow, I hate when I disagree with smart people, especially quite a few smart people.  You see, I’m not very bright and when I try to think too much about big pictures and overall directions and the future of…well…anything, my head starts to hurt, I see glowy spots in front of my eyes and I feel an overwhelming need to lie down.

  That’s why I’ve been trying to grapple with something since August 16th, when I was at the Niagara-On-The-Lake podcaster/blogger meetup.  Sean McGaughey did a presentation entitled “I Never Metaphor I Didn’t Like” in which he discussed, among other things, our habit of getting hung up on the name of things, and what names can represent, instead of moving forward with what we can do with things.  And I agree wholeheartedly.

But…

Then he brought up the word “podcasting” and a discussion ensued in the room by people much brighter then I about how the word ‘podcast’ is bad because it makes people think that you need an iPod to listen, and people should work to change the name to something else, etc.

That kinda upset me.

Why?  Because it doesn’t matter what you call it, you’re still going to have to explain to people what it is, where to find it, and how to listen to it.   I’ll give you an example of what I mean:

A)  You tell someone you have a podcast.  Then you have to explain that it’s like an internet-based radio show that they can listen to anytime they want to.   No, they don’t need an actual iPod unit to listen. They can download it to any mp3 player they like, or burn it to a CD, or listen to it right there on their computer.  Here’s the address for it.

Neato.  Fairly simple.  Here’s the alternative, and this time lets call it, say, Kukuxumushu (great song title by a band called Electric 6)

B) You tell someone you have a Kukuxumushu.  Then you have to explain that it’s like an internet-based radio show that they can listen to anytime they want to.  They can download it to any mp3 player they like, or burn it to a CD, or listen to it right there on their computer.  Here’s the address for it.

 What’s the difference?  1 sentence and about 4-5 seconds of speaking time, 5-10 seconds of typing.

I’ve spoken to people who have discovered podcasting because they had an iPod and heard about ‘podcasting’ and checked it out because of the name.  I’ve also spoken to people who had heard about it but thought you needed an iPod - some of them looked into it further and realized that you didn’t, so they are now consumers of podcasts, and some didn’t bother looking into it further, and face it - those are the ones who are only going to listen to the Oprah and NPR podcasts anyways.

The term podcasting is more popular then anything else out there now anyways.  If some people spent as much time spreading the gospel of podcasting and learnin’ people about the who’s and why’s then that many more people would be consumers instead of just having more people confused about what it’s all about anyways.

I hate the term ‘blog’ with all my being.  It sounds like the sound someone makes when they’re throwing up after drinking too much Tequila in Duluth, Minnesota.  C’mon, say it out loud with me “BLOG!”  See?  I actually delayed starting my blog for a month because I hated the term so much.  I fought against it, and tried to call it something else, but then the people who did know what a blog was were confused.  So I accepted it and moved on…I still don’t like the term, but I’ve stopped debating with people on what else to call it, and trying to change what the majority of people think.

Stop getting so hung up on what it’s called, and make it better instead.  It’s up to podcasters to find a simple, succinct way to introduce people to podcasting without getting tangled up in words and language.  If you have to print out a simple statement about what it is and how to consume it on the back of business card with your podcast on it, so be it.  Do it, and you’ll turn more people into consumers.

Besides, it could be worse, it could be called Kukuxumushu.

Of course, I’m just sayin’

Stevie Z

By Stevie Z 

   The more that social media allows anyone and everyone to shout their viewpoint from their virtual soapboxes, the more people retreat into their own “my opinion is the correct opinion” realms.  It’s been said for many years that people will believe something a lot more if it’s in print…even, it would seem if that print is their own.

   Case in point, I’ve recently read a lot of blog posts and heard a lot of podcasts about how we’re at a ‘tipping point’ where it matters what people think about the corporations they buy from, and that corporations had better shape up because consumers are so in tune with environmental impacts of corporations, corporate policies etc.   Some people are really excited because of this…

   Really?  You think it effects corporate policy all that much?

   I’ll tell you something - go to Wal Mart on a Saturday afternoon and look around.  Joe and Jill Nascar don’t give 1 crap about what companies do, as long as it makes their pork rinds and big screen TV’s cheaper - and they’re in the vast majority!  What was that?  These particular sneakers are made by 8 year-olds in sweat shops in Asia somewhere? Gee, I wouldn’t buy em, but Wal Mart just had a price rollback on them! How can I resist?!  Sure, they’re also crap, and I’ll have to buy 4 pairs a year, and they’ll end up in a landfill in 3 months….but look! The happyface says they’re only $19.99!

  For everyone who goes to their local market and buys Fair Trade Organic Hand-Picked-By-Virgins and Processed Using Only Unicorn Piss coffee beans, thousands go to Sam’s club and buy 270 Pound bags of whatever coffee the 30 second commercials during the breaks of watching Dr. Phil  told them to buy.

   For every smiles-and-puppies corporation that is actually trying to do some good in the world there’s 10 Monsanto types doing their best to destroy it for the sake of buck:  for every consumer that feels they have to have a ‘bond’ with their suppliers and know that the companies that they’re buying from are planting trees and monkeys in a rain-forest somewhere, there are 3,000 people buying McDonald’s hamburgers, which are made from beef raised on rain-forest land that was clear cut.

   I’m not saying don’t pay attention to corporate actions, particularly the ones that are doing the most harm - I’m as likely to joust at windmills as you are - but realize that while you ARE doing your part,  too many more aren’t, and frankly, most companies don’t care.  And please don’t get all high-and-mighty about it.  Why is it that one of the first places costs are cut is the customer service departments?  Because they don’t care.  Oh well, it’s harder to deal with them, too bad, stay on hold for an hour…they know you will.

   However, none of that was really what I was trying to say in the first place…that was just a little detour through Rantville.

   I started off talking about people inflating themselves up and talking like they are the sole voice of reason, and what they have to say is so damn important because they are so damn important.    Just because you have a blog doesn’t mean that your opinion matters any more then anyone else’s.  Sorry, Princess, but that’s the way it is.  At this point tens of thousands of people have blogs, and almost that many have podcasts as well.  If you can educate people, or entertain or inform them in some way, that’s great and it’s an awesome thing to do.  On the flip side though, are people that get drunk with their own imagined ‘power’ and start pontificating about how things ’should’ be, and criticizing others because the other person’s viewpoint doesn’t match their own omnipotent one.   A perfect example of that was a tiny, innocent little promo I did for Podcasters Across Borders, and the debate it started over at Mitch Joel’s blog and podcast: Six Pixels of Separation. 

   Don’t get me wrong at all - I love debate, and some of the conversation it started was awesome and enlightening…and some of it was pure drivel spouted by people who think that they are so important that everyone needs to hear what they have to say.  I’ve got a thick skin, and intelligent criticism never bothered me (if it did I sure wouldn’t put out the weird stuff that I do) but…….bah, I’ll finish that in another post, so I can get into more detail, since I already sort of covered it in this post.

   To Summarize:   Get a blog or a podcast, or both, and tell the world what you think about things.  That’s what’s great about social media - it’s social - you and I and her and him and everyone can do it.  But if you’re going to criticize, do it intelligently, and don’t just rage against the winds like some useless afternoon radio talk show host, state your opinion, then back it up with intelligent reasons, and offer solutions.  I know that I’m also guilty of wandering over the line into Rantland on occasion, but I like to think that I keep it under check most of the time, an try to keep it entertaining and helpful.  Above all else though, don’t get drunk with power just because you have the means to spew your words out into the world where anyone can hear.  Once it’s out there, it’s out there, and is out of your control.  And you can’t take it back.  And another caveat: some people may react in unexpected, disappointing ways.  So choose your words carefully, especially when you condemn or criticize someone else…it may come back to bite you, hard.

Of course, I’m just sayin’,

Stevie Z

For more rantings and somewhat humorous stuff, check out The Sieve!

By Stevie Z

Dear Conservative Party of Canada:

Please stop sending me shit in the mail telling me how bad the Liberals, NDP and everyone else is, and how great you are as a party.  No matter how good my day is going, when I get home and look into my mailbox and see a picture of Stephen Harper (Our Current Prime Minister……damn I hate typing that) and his attempt at a smile….by the way, from one Steve to another…please stop trying to pretend you’re smiling, it doesn’t look like you’re smiling…it looks like you just shit your pants and you’re hoping that nobody noticed.  Well, if by “your pants” I mean “Canada” and by “shit” I mean, well “shit” then I guess so far you have.  I was going to scan the latest photo on the latest mail I received, but then I realized that it just wasn’t worth it.

I’m not trying to say that the Liberals are any better.  Well, I think they are better for the country,  because despite the corruption, arrogance, manipulation, etc when it comes right down to it our country runs BETTER and people are more prosperous under Liberal governments.  And really, they’re no more criminal then any other party out there, it’s just that because of their arrogance they don’t hide it as well…….

To be honest, I’m really hoping that Pierre Trudeau comes back from the dead and becomes PM again.  No, seriously, I do.   He was arrogant, but in a COOL way.  And he had class.  Name another politician right now that has that kind of class.   He had more class in his pinky finger then the entire Conservative Party has in their collective large intestines….and I’m including the colon.  (thanks for the reference, McCroskey).  For Americans and other countries who aren’t aware - Trudeau was a kickass cool Prime Minister and leader of the Liberal party a bunch of years ago.  Think of the youthful coolness John Kennedy combined with the easy class and suave of Harry Connick Jr.

Give me a politician who EXCITES me again.  Say what you want about Bill Clinton’s view of wedding vows, that guy had charm, and could run a country.   I dunno, maybe I should run….but I have no class, nor coolness, so it kind of goes against the point I was trying to make anyways…..

So, before you kill a bunch more trees to send out your propaganda in the mail, please bear this little tidbit in mind:

The only time the Conservative Party gets elected into office is when the population of Canada wants to punish the Liberal Party.  You are basically only a paddle the country uses on the ass of the Liberals.  We let you run the country for about 4 years or so, then you mess it up so badly we’re reminded how much you truly do suck, and then we elect the Liberals again and the country gets back on track.

Of course, I’m just sayin’

Stevie Z

By Stevie Z

Dear Future Shop….You Suck, and Here’s Why:

Yesterday I called a certain branch of the Future Shop. For those not in Canada, think Best Buy or whatever crap service/low price juggernaut you have in your area. I was looking for something that their website said was in stock. Having fallen for that trick before I decided tried to call and check the store stock myself. So I did. After a quick couple of rings I got voice mail, which directed me to the department I wanted by hitting ‘6′. Bunch of rings later, I hung up and called back. Went through the process again. Bunch of rings later, I hung up again. Called back again and tried to get the main reception number and just ask them to check stock. Instead of checking stock, I hear more rings, and I know she’s transferred me through to the same department where no one answers the phone. You guessed it, a bunch of rings later I hang up…..and call again! I’m nothing if not stubborn stupid.

This time I asked the main reception woman for the manager of the place - if you ever need to speak to a manager, always ask in an angry tone, this gets the point across and the manager to the phone quicker. When the manager came on the phone I asked him to check the stock on an item for me, and PLEASE DON’T PUT ME THROUGH TO THE DEPARTMENT THAT NEVER ANSWERS THE PHONE! I explained why, he apologized (of course he did, that’s what they do) and checked the stock. Nope, none in stock. But your website says you have it. Yes, but our website is only updated every hour or so. But it says for 2 days that you’ve had stock. We might have recently sold out. Okay, you win. Funny thing though, 5 hours later when I checked the online inventory again, it still showed they had stock. Is that a Bait-and-Switch tactic just to get people in, or is it gross negligence and stupidity? How about yes.

It took (get this) ***74*** rings of the phone in total to get this answer. That’s bullshit by any customer service standard. The good thing I got out of this though, is that, and you know how I love irony, the department I was trying to get through that was ignoring all that ringing? Cell Phones.

But that, my Dear Reader was not the end of my fun, fun, fun with Future Shop. Oh no. Some time ago we purchased a new computer monitor for new puter. It was an LG Flatron. We took it home and set it up, all a quiver with anticipation. Hmm, burnt out pixel. Bummer. Returned it, got a new one, no problems there.

Couple of weeks ago we bought another LG Flatron for our old puter that we set up back upstairs. Brought it home, fired it up….hmm, burnt out pixel. Pack it up, return it, and get another one. Get it home, set it up….Hmm, burnt out pixel. Pack it up, bring it back again. I’m staring to wonder if LG stands for “Lotsa Grief” because that’s what we’re buying. This time, however, Future Shop has only 3 left in stock. 2 have been opened (one of them looking exactly like the box we just returned, funnily enough) and the 3rd box looked like it had been run over by a forklift. We were thinking of maybe switching to another brand and wanted to ask someone for some assistance. I wandered for about 5 minutes and couldn’t seem to find anyone that wasn’t trying to look busy. Finally, I walked back to the monitor aisle, which is at the back of the store, cupped my hands to my mouth and yelled “Does anyone work in the computer monitor department at all, ever?!?” I guess I must have awakened someone, because we got someone over there in a hurry. I call it “The Stevie Z Paging System” and it works great for all your big box stores…

Apparently shocked that we didn’t want either opened or potentially destroyed product, they at first declined to give us a rain cheque (yeah, that’s the correct spelling, piss off because the item was on sale, and we refused the ones they had. After much, well, let’s call it “convincing” they decided to give is a refund plus a rain cheque (still spelled right!) for the next shipment.

I know it’s not Future Shop’s fault that we’ve received 3 busted monitors out of 4, but A) they told us that people almost never return stuff because it’s faulty out of the box. Funny, there were 2 people behind us, and 1 in front of us looking to exchange defective merchandise, and 2) wanting to fight with us because we wouldn’t take open or likely-damaged goods.

By the way, Best Buy is owned by the same company that owns Future Shop, so don’t think you’re sticking it to anyone by shopping there instead of FS. Interestingly enough, Best Buy sales people aren’t on commission, and Future Shop sales people apparently are. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I’ve always had great service and knowledgeable help from Best Buy, but a kind of ‘rushed’ feeling from Future Shop people.

I also don’t want to make it sound like everyone at FS is an idiot. One of my very best friends works there, and she’s great. I’m sure that FS has some other amazingly helpful employees…I just can’t seem to find them.

I have another great story about a sales guy from Future Shop that was either a liar or an idiot, but I have a wicked hangnail on my pinky finger, and it hurts to type. So that’s for another time.

So if you’re going to deal with Future Shop, then Caveat Emptor.

Of course, I’m just sayin,

Stevie Z

Caveat Reader: This post contains language that some readers may find offensive. Not on purpose, I just got really pissed off while I was writing it. Um, Mom, don’t read it, okay? Neato. Also, the following criticisms most certainly do not apply to you, my friend. Readers of my blog are obviously intelligent, well-dressed, capable and considerate drivers. This is addressed to the assholes who don’t get it, never WILL get it, and probably can’t read anyways…

Alright, this happened the other day, between where I start my day and where I need to get to. Shut down the 401 near Toronto, Ontario (probably one of the busiest stretches of highway in Canada) for several hours. I wasn’t upset about the traffic snarls (as so many others were) because I just took the back roads into Toronto. Sure, it added another 45 minutes or so to my drive, but the drive through the country is SO much nicer.

But this isn’t a piece about my drive. It’s a piece about crappy drivers and road rage.

A little background here: I spend about 5 hours per day driving around Toronto and it’s “greater area” as they call it. On a daily basis I deal with….actually, let’s back up a bit and deal with the accident in the article first, then I’ll do some whining.

Before everyone sheds a tear for the driver of the SUV who died….oh yeah, I’m probably going to get a little politically incorrect and stuff here…but let’s look at the ENTIRE situation that led up to his death:

A) He was ejected from his vehicle, causing his death. He wasn’t wearing his seatbelt! That right there show little respect for laws and/or safety. Also, an informal survey of people in the past has shown me that in most cases, people whom don’t wear seatbelts tend to also tend to speed and drive less cautiously then people who DO wear seatbelts. Think about the people you know who don’t wear seatbelts…

B) He was following way too closely to the car in front of him - if you’re can’t avoid hitting the person in front of you if they should unexpectedly brake, you’re too close. ESPECIALLY when you consider he knew damn well the car in front of him was likely to pull something stupid.

C) Like a lot of SUV owners, he was incapable of handling his vehicle. I see so many people on the roads and highways every day driving their big heavy SUVs like they were Honda Civics - not leaving enough braking room, not leaving enough space for maneuvering, and not considering that other drivers in smaller, more practical vehicles can’t see around or over them.

D) Before we cry for the SUV driver, and demand hanging for the driver of the other vehicle, take a moment to consider what might have been going on in the moments before the crash. I’m not saying by any stretch that the SUV driver deserved to DIE for whatever bullshit he was engaged in, but there allegedly was some some history between these two vehicles that led up to the crash. Until a witness comes forward we won’t know if the SUV driver didn’t do that exact same thing to the other driver before they got to the highway? How do we know the SUV driver didn’t possibly even attempt to run the other driver off the road previously? Let’s not stone or canonize anyone until we know the facts….which may never happen.

The police are so damn quick to jump into the media and decry road rage and aggressive driving, which I agree need to be dealt with…HOWEVER: the cops really do need to start cracking down on the assholes who CAUSE a lot of the road rage in the first place. Let’s take the example of the left hand lane. The 401 has either 3 or 4 lanes each way, depending on where you are. The left most lane is called the “passing lane” or “fast lane” and if you’re going to drive in it for any length of time…..THEN BE PASSING SOMEONE! According to the actual Ontario Highway Traffic Act YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EVEN BE IN THAT LANE IF YOU’RE NOT IN THE ACT OF PASSING ANOTHER VEHICLE!! There are even signs all over the province stating “Slower Traffic Keep Right” I don’t know how often I pull up behind someone in that lane moving slower then the flow of traffic, who flat out refuses to move over, despite plenty of room to do so. Tailgating, flashing high beams at them, etc doesn’t do anything - I used to do it all. I don’t anymore, because really, what’s the point? But seriously, fuck you. Move over.

Another wonderful aspect to driving: Apparently about 85% of the vehicles out there have malfunctioning signal lights. Well, not really, I think they have malfunctioning assholes behind the wheels. Think about it…it’s called a ’signal’ light or an ‘indicator’ light because you’re supposed to use it to SIGNAL or INDICATE to the world around you what you are about to do! I know that YOU know what kind of brilliant maneuver you’re about to execute, but since I have to adjust my driving accordingly, so I don’t, say plow into the side of your freakin’ car…how’s about a little heads up so I don’t have to be Dione Warwick and predict what you’re going to do? Jerkass.

If I am about to pass you because you’re driving slower then the flow of traffic, DON’T SPEED UP AND CUT ME OFF just because you don’t want me in front of you. This ain’t NASCAR here Tony Stewart, know how I can tell? We’re turning right. If you insist on being a moving roadblock, don’t get upset with me because I want to get home before the new Guns and Roses album comes out.

That cruises me nicely into my next point - PLEASE don’t come racing up beside me with an extra 30 kms/hour over and above what I’m doing, and pull in front of me and SLAM ON YOUR BRAKES TO AVOID CRASHING INTO THE PERSON IN FRONT OF ME!! Congratulations, you’re now approximately 17 feet closer to your goal, and you almost wiped out 3 cars in the process. Go you, assclown.

Since I’m already on a roll here, I’ll throw in the people who drive around lost. Gee, I don’t know where I’m going, so instead of pulling off to the side and letting the 13 cars that I’ve collected behind me because I’m going from 70 kms/hour and then down to 20 while I look around me in stupid confusion go by me, I’ll continue to signal left, then right, then speed up and slow down again. Look, Magellan, pull off the road, buy a map, make a phone call, do what you have to, but GET OUT OF THE WAY WHILE YOU DO IT!

And since this has also been in the news lately…cell phones. Oh tiny, tumor-causing chunks of plastic and metal. What would do without you? I’ll tell you what we’d do - WE’D DRIVE A LOT BETTER!! I think that anytime there is even so much as a fender bender on the roads or highways the police should subpoena the cell phone records of the persons involved. If the time of the crash corresponds to the time the cell phone was being used, BOOM, automatic fine or penalty. I think the penalty should be to have the phone shoved up the person’s ass. And if it’s a flip phone, open it first. If it’s a camera phone though, I don’t think we need to see the inside of their colon. We already know what an asshole looks like…they’re the ones causing the accidents.

Look, it’s a car. It’s not a phone booth, or a movie theatre! WHY ARE THERE DVD PLAYERS IN CARS?!?!? And those GPS units are another great distraction too. Buy a map. Or yet, hey, look up where you’re going ahead of time, and print off the related maps. Then you have a personalized map. Yay! Our ancestors made it through giant primeval forests, and ships can navigate across seemingly endless seas without maps our even street signs. If you can’t get from here to WalMart without some Artificial Cow’s voice telling you “turn left in 2.3 kilometers…..turn left in 2.1 kilometers” etc, then please, head to the British Columbia, take the Sea To Sky Highway…and turn…left…now.

Finally, speed. I will be the first to admit ( I say ‘admit’ like it’s something I should feel guilty or ashamed about) that I tend to often drive over the posted limits. If it’s 50 I’ll frequently do 60…if it’s 60 I’ve been known to do 70-75. On our nation’s highways, where the posted speed is often 100 KMs/Hour, I’ll commonly do 120. But here’s the thing - if traffic is heavy, I SLOW DOWN, if the weather is crappy, I SLOW DOWN, if it’s night time, I SLOW DOWN. I drive according to conditions. And to the people who puff themselves up with Righteous Indignation and testify that “Speed Kills!!” I say “no it doesn’t. Speed doesn’t kill, the inability to handle your vehicle in the situations, and most of all, stupidity kill. If you’ve lost control of your car because you were doing 130 in a 50 zone and, gosh darn it, you just couldn’t make that turn, then the cause of the accident wasn’t speed, it was stupidity. Don’t lump me in with those dickheads. Want to know a HUGE unsung cause of accidents? Driving too SLOWLY. Yeah, that’s what I said. If the posted speed is 100 kms/hour, the flow of traffic is 110-120, and YOU are doing 90, guess who’s the problem? People have to change lanes to cut around you, and that creates potential accidents. Speed up and drive with traffic, or get in the kiddy pool. If you’re not comfortable with those speeds, DON’T DRIVE ON THE HIGHWAYS!

I could go on and on a list a million other things that idiotic, blind, stupid and just plain ignorant drivers do that I see every day, but I’m sure most of you are familiar with these and others. In fact, leave a comment below about what pisses you off on the pavement.

Until the police start really tightening up the leash on puddingheads that cause the road rage, then it will continue. And it’s pretty obvious that as the pressures of money, gas prices, workloads, etc get more intense, road rage will worsen exponentially. Add to that the fact that most people seem to feel a false sense of security in their cars, and they forget that the person they just cut off and forced to swerve to avoid hitting you isn’t another car: it’s someone’s father. Or their mother, or their son, or their sister. You’re not more important then me, and I’m not more important then you. And if you have to drive like a maniac because you’re late, don’t put my life at risk, shithead, learn to organize your time.

Calm the hell down, learn to drive properly, and have some consideration for those around you.

Of course, I’m just sayin…..

Stevie Z

Okay, let me start by saying if you haven’t heard the “monster truck” promo I did for the Podcasters Across Borders conference, listen to it here. Then come back and read some more….

Back? Neato.

Okay, now listen to this reply from “Steve from Frankfurt” after he heard it on a really cool internet marketing podcast called Six Pixels of Separation (which by the way, you should really check out), followed by host Mitch Joel’s response.

I’m not going to rag on this guy because he didn’t like my piece. I’m not offended that he didn’t like it. What upsets and offends me are several other things - things that I’m going to go through in a minute. But first, let me tell you the story of another guy who did something that was one of the best examples of ironic humour in the history of irony, and caught a pantload of flack for it.

Randy Newman, one of the greatest lyricists and songwriters ever had a little song called ‘Short People‘. It was a little novelty song he threw together for his album Little Criminals, released in October of 1977. He released the song as a single, and it gained as much notoriety as it did popularity. Why? Because people listened to the first few lines and had a shit fit. They took the first few verses at face value, and by the time the chorus came around to explain to the truly thick what the song was really about, they had already gone flying off the handle in a good old-fashioned apoplectic rage. What the Quick-To-Righteous-Anger didn’t realize was that it was a song crying out against racism and appearance-based judgments. I’ve even known people who were otherwise very intelligent folks who flipped out about the song, many many years later. Speaking of Mr. Newman, as I was, he is probably one of the greatest songwriters in terms of use of irony - if you don’t believe me just check out his amazing tunes like “It’s Money That Matters” along with a host of others and you’ll see what I mean.

What do I have in common with Randy Newman? Sweet@#$%^& All, that’s what. Other then a love of irony, sarcasm and an agreement that sport coats look really really cool.

I have a PhD in Irony, with a Masters in Sarcasm, and a BSc in B.S. Unlike Alanis Morrisette I know what irony is, and I know how to use it….and I’m not afraid to.

So many people discount irony as a tool of humour because they worry that ‘people won’t get it’, or that people will be offended. You know what? If I say your mother is fat, be offended, if I say that…..well fancy that, I can’t think of a smart-ass sarcastic example right there….hmmmm.

A lot of the funniest, cleverest stuff I’ve ever seen, heard or read is stuff that, most likely, the majority of people didn’t ‘get’. Listen to a song from 20-30 years ago and listen to music from today. Media and art used to challenge people to think about what they were saying, and now it’s spelled out for you in very…..plain…..tiny…..words.

I’m not a snob who thinks I’m better then someone else because I enjoy thinking about what I consume. If you think that then you’re stupid…teehee. All my point is, is that if you don’t ‘get’ something, don’t go all apeshit about it, as Steve from Frankfurt did. Don’t call other people down, or criticize, or complain, or condemn because you missed the boat. Mitch Joel hit it right on the head though, when he observed what, I believe almost everyone else did: it was ironic to promote new media using a hackneyed cliched throwback of an advertising style that never was all that effective, but for some reason still persists to this day. Jay Moonah of Media Driving also commented on this aspect.

Another thing I found interesting about ‘Steve from Frankfurt’s comment was that he started the damn call stating that he found it ironic, and then walked off the pier.

Also, his statement that even if he lived in Canada he wouldn’t have attended the conference because of the promo shows a very shallow way of thinking. To write something completely off because of one, tiny, piece of information is ludicrous at best, and petty at worst. And everything else aside, I think the promo did do the conference justice because although I’d never been to a “new media, blogging, podcasting” related conference before, I’ve been to many others for many other industries, and I have to say the level of energy for the entire weekend, from speakers, from audience members, from the organizers, from everyone involved - was huge. I felt more energized everyday and evening for that weekend then I have in a long time - it was exciting as well as informative. It’s hard to make these kinds of things sound exciting to me (I’m not too bright, so I don’t understand a lot of stuff) but this conference had an amazingly energetic vibe.

Perhaps THE most offensive thing I found with his comment, though, had nothing to do with the promo. It was his statement about “that’s not what podcasting is supposed to be”. According to whom? You, Steve from Frankfurt? Is your full name “Steve Podcasting”? Perhaps I missed the memo that stated that you were going to decide what podcasting would and would not be. I’ve been toiling under the misapprehension that podcasting was about the masses deciding what they would want, and would therefore shape the medium. I understood that it was about Joe and Jill Everyperson grabbing a microphone and telling the world or whomever cared to listen what they felt like talking about.

I’ve heard podcasts that were shit - no, scratch that - shit would have been an improvement, and I’ve heard podcasts that totally blew me away. I can’t recall the urge to get in touch with the Shitcasters and tell them “that’s not what podcasting is supposed to be, if you don’t believe me, ask Steve from Frankfurt.”

I’ve always hated useless or pointless criticism (is that being too critical??) of anything. If you’ve got a problem with something, cool - that’s what life is about, but just saying something is “stupid” without giving any kind of constructive or reasonable or relevant answer as to why you have that opinion is just….well…..stupid. For example - I hate Dr. Phil’s television show with a passion. And I can tell you why: His oversimplified answers to complicated problems, and his willingness to bring the show to lower and lower levels for higher ratings. I’m sorry “Dr.” but the whole entire “let’s match a racist up with a black person” etc. has already been done - first by Geraldo Rivera, and more successfully by Jerry Springer - and at least they weren’t pretending to be sophisticated psychologically helpful television shows. They admitted they were baseless circuses catering to the lowest common denominator. You, Phil, are an embarrassment to real doctors everywhere. By the way, say ‘hi’ to Britney Spears the next time you barge into her life desperately trying to get ratings and attention.

See? That was constructive. Okay, maybe more cathartic for me, but you get the picture I hope.

If you have a problem with something, make sure you understand it before you criticize or condemn it, please. If you have nothing helpful or nice to say…..don’t.

IRONY RULES!

Of course, I’m just sayin…..

Stevie Z

PS - Steve from Frankfurt - you didn’t leave me a link to your blog or podcast, which I’d be interested in checking out, to see how I might be able to improve what I’m doing.

PPS - By the way Steve from Frankfurt - Crazy Eddie says he’s glad his commercials had such an impact on you that you still remember them and are talking about them, and him. And stop by sometime and he’ll give you wholesale on a new MP3 player…..