badlybent.ca

Tonight, I watered my nose. Well, I didn’t put water on it, I put water in it…..or more accurately, through it.

Huh?

I can’t even remember where I heard about this first, it was probably The Luverly Michelle™ who first told me about it. It’s called “Nasal Irrigation” or “Nasal Lavage” if you’re French, or from the Mayo Clinic. It basically involves pouring or squirting a saline solution through one nostril, and letting it fill your sinus cavities and drain out the other nostril. I refer to it as “controlled drowning”.

There are specific apparatuses you can buy to do this, for example the Neti Pot. Rather then spend $20 on one of these to try it once and never use it again (I suppose I could have used it to water flowers or something if it hadn’t worked out) I decided to use something around the house that I already had for my first attempt. Well……looking around the house for something that approximated a Neti Pot I seized upon only one thing that I thought would work: my small tea pot. It’s very pretty, and about the same size as the the Neti Pot. Oh, by the way, the pot is not named after the Abominable Snowman…that’s a YETI. Trust me on that one.

I’ve been working up the nerve for a few weeks now to try it, till either curiosity got the best of me, or I was drunk enough. Well, tonight it happened. I hadn’t been drinking (yet, the night is still young) but my allergies were really bugging me. Happens every spring. I hate taking antihistamines - they make me feel even slower and stupider, and I don’t like putting drugs with the word “inhibitor” in the description into my body. “Aha!” I thought to myself, “Here’s my chance!”

So…..I went to this website to get the recipe and details, ran the water through my Brita filter, mixed in the salt (I used Kosher Salt…I always use Kosher Salt…..for cooking, for seasoning, for melting ice, and now, apparently for filling my head) and poured about half (about a cup) into the teapot. I then locked myself in the bathroom. The Luverly Michelle™ wanted to watch, but, I mean, hey….would you want an audience while you’re standing there with a teapot spout shoved up your nose? Me neither.

I took off my glasses, raised the teapot as if in a toast, and gave myself a good long look in the mirror. I was just making sure I wanted to do this, after all, this is the first step towards drowning. So, bending over the sink, I tilted my head to the left and……..found out quickly the teapot spout didn’t quite fit into my nose. I had to kind of stretch my nostril over the spout by pushing and twisting it into my nose. “Ain’t that pretty at all” to quote Mr. Warren Zevon (RiP).

Finally, after a little twisting and moving and, um, well, to be honest I’m at a bit of a loss to describe the actions one does when trying to push a teapot spout into their nostril, but I hope you get the picture…actually, I don’t think you want the picture….

So, I begin to pour, scared shitless at what I’m going to feel. I’m worried that it’s going to have that feeling I used to get when I used to swim a lot and I would get a snootful of pool water - gurgling, spluttering, burning and coughing. Much to my surprise and relief, it was “D) None of The Above” As the water filled my sinus cavities, I felt pressure in my skull, but it was quite like the pressure you feel when you’ve got a wicked cold and you’re all stuffed up, but not as bad because water is thinner then snot (I’m sorry, but it is). Then the disturbing part began.

The water, having filled most of my sinuses, began to run out my other nostril. This was supposed to happen, and I expected it, but for some reason it bothered me. Oh, not as much as if it had started to run out my ear, for example, but still…..

Before I knew it, the cup or so of water was done, so I removed the teapot from my nose, and stood over the sink a few more minutes, to, um, drain. Then I gently! blew my nose, and that was it. I was done the first cup. I unlocked the bathroom door. It occurred to me then that locking it might not have been a good idea, in case The Luverly Michelle™ ended up having to throw me a life preserver, or give me mouth to mouth or something.

I grabbed the second cup of water, poured it into the teapot and repeated the process, this time with Michelle watching. I guess there wasn’t anything on TV. The only “ARRGLE!” moment came when, as I was, uh, draining, I stood up a little too much and the water started pouring down my throat instead of out my nose. Not a big deal, but unexpected.

Sooooo……here I sit about 15 minutes later. And? I can breathe pretty damn good. The first 5 minutes or so after I was done I felt fairly stuffed up, but now I feel great, and can breathe better then I have almost all day. I’m guessing that with 37 plus years of crap breathed up my nose it’ll take a few rounds of this to really clear things out. Add in 15 or so years of breathing Toronto air and I’m sure I’d need dynamite to clear things out.

Well, that’s the story of filling my head with water. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope you learned something from it. I hope you send me hundreds of dollars too. If you have any further questions about Nasal Irrigation…. don’t ask me! I’ve only done it once for crying out loud! Google it. Try the site I linked to first at the mayo clinic…it’s got video

If you do actually try it, let me know how it goes.

Peace, Love, and Neti Pots,

Stevie Z

PS - If you come over to my place in the near future, best not to ask for a cup of tea……

….but then I made the mistake of checking what the Fisheries Minister was up to now. Oops. You can check out the entire article on Yahoo News here:

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/cbc/canada_seal_arrests

Copied below is the letter I’ve just emailed him. Why did I do it? I dunno. Probably because he is making the entire thing personal, between himself and the sealers, and the protesters, and possibly biasing the justice system. Never mind about whether you actually support the seal hunt or not. This email is in regards to some really, really, really stupid comments he made to the media. No wonder Prime Minister Harper tries to keep gags on most of his ministers. Mr. Harper, I think it’s time to tighten Hearn’s. He’s still audible.

“Hearn: (I REFUSE outright to use the term “honourable” when connected with your name)
I recently read this article on Yahoo News: http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/cbc/canada_seal_arrests
In it I see the following quote:
“However, Fisheries Minister Loyola Hearn said the arrests were made within Canadian waters. At a news conference after the raid, he told reporters the officers had stopped “a bunch of money-sucking manipulators” from interfering with the hunt.”
How, exactly, do you expect these people to get a fair trial (you may have to look that one up) if you go around spouting off your biased crap to the media ? I thought that this country kind of went by the whole “innocent until proven guilty” theory.
Oh, wait, I just read that you’re a “Progressive” Conservative (oxymoron anyone?)
Sorry to have wasted your time….
Stevie Z.”

Harsh? Not really when you think that A) we’re talking about people who were brought up on charges, and are probably counting on a fair trial, and 2) Loyola Hearn is supposed to be educated and trained well enough to refrain from making asinine (had to look up the spelling on that one) comments to the media, and not to call people names. Unlike me.

I don’t think that (Sea Shepherd Society) head Paul Watson is entirely blameless at all. In fact, I think that sometimes he sounds like he’s a ravening lunatic who needs to be calmed down a little. I also think that Fisheries Minister Loyola Hearn is capable of some pretty stupid utterings himself sometimes. (hell, ain’t we all?) I think the frustration levels of both parties is at the point where things are getting escalated.

Like almost every conflict, disagreement, bar fight, war, divorce and argument though, what’s right and fair probably lives somewhere in the middle. Unfortunately, both sides are too hyped up on their own rhetoric.

Should there be a seal hunt? Maybe….probably….maybe not…..I don’t know. I’ve got shit to worry about like keeping food on the table and a roof over my head to really do too much research into it. And I’m no hippy tree-hugger or anything like that, that’s for sure. I eat meat, wear leather, and tip cows. Of course, the only problem with cow tipping is trying to figure out if 15% was fair for the service received. It seems kind of obvious to me, however, that if we’re going to kill animals to eat, wear or otherwise process and consume, that we should do it as humanely as possible. Chasing a baby seal across an ice pack with a club or pick in your hand while the thing screams in mortal terror, and upon catching it, clubbing it over the head or driving the pick into them doesn’t seem maybe like the best way to go about it, does it?

Before I weigh in on whether this should even happen in the first place, never mind the inhumane way they do it, I’ve got a lot more reading to do. Problem is that most of the sites and people that have the information are screaming at the top of their lungs and raving about this and that and calling the other side names. It’s hard to educate yourself in that atmosphere. One thing that isn’t being disputed is the way it’s gone about, as evidenced below:

Nice photos, eh? How’s the dinner sittin’ now? I decided it wouldn’t be fair to show you all the photos I’d found of dead, skinned seal pups that were killed only for their fur/skins, and the rest of the bodies left on the ice to rot. Yummy.

This is the part where I could get myself into trouble by suggesting that someone should chase……oh never mind. The seal hunt makes me personally uncomfortable, but then my livelihood doesn’t rely on it.

So should there be a seal hunt at all? Yes? No? The answer probably lies somewhere in the middle.

Peace, love, and Seal Pups,

Stevie Z

…yeah, I know, many newfoundlanders make their living from the seal hunt. Well, it wasn’t so many years ago in North America that people made their living from, and because of, slavery. Most of us have evolved. Maybe someday Newfoundlanders can too….

More on this tomorrow (Sunday) as right now I’m too tired, and too sickened to write anything but anger…..and pity.

Z